In legal defense of the running visor...
The running visor pleads "not guilty" to public indecency. Plus cats, current show obsessions, and other nonsense.
Your honor and esteemed ladies & gentlemen of the jury,
I appear in court today in defense of my client, the running visor. It has been brought to the public’s attention by the plaintiff, most runners under 30 years old, that they feel personally victimized by the running visor. Although my client has never caused direct harm, the alleged victims claim that they “wouldn’t be caught dead wearing a visor. Ew.” The running visor pleads not guilty to public indecency.
I am here in defense of these allegations and to provide evidence as to why the running visor is still relevant and not a direct threat to society.
👉 EVIDENCE
Exhibit A: The running visor keeps ponytails happy and on point. The less smashed down a runner’s hair becomes, the more days they can get away without washing it.
Exhibit B: Sporty Spice wore a visor. Case closed.
🧑⚖️ OVER-RULED, YOUR HONOR!
A visor is not just a half hat. A regular hat is for subpoenas.
You can’t possibly claim that beyond a reasonable doubt a visor is less cool than this…
👀 KEY WITNESSES The defense calls to the stand…
Sarah Keyes, rad ass trail runner for The North Face. Wins in visors.
Britt Mumma, known to wear visors on Mt. Everest.
My 10-year-older twin sister. She’s just awesome, and she likes visors.
Myself, the coolest person I know. Also known to wear socks with sandals and flannel moo moos to bed.
⚖️ CLOSING ARGUMENTS In closing…
The visor is merely acting in self-defense against the sun and aging skin.
Nobody puts top knots in a corner of extra fabric or without forehead protection.
The prosecution’s arguments do not hold water simply because the plaintiff is known to drink White Claws, order Door Dash, and “tan.”
A conviction to my client would be a travesty.
Thank you for your attention, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, on this very important case. The defense rests.
-Brittany Charboneau, Esq. Litigator at Law
Calling All Crazy Cat People!
Looking for more running AND cat content in your life? Believe me, I get it. You’re probably gonna wanna follow North Face Felines on Instagram. Each cathlete has their own bio and obsession with their owner. @northfacefelines
📺 Show: Bridgerton Season 3!!
🎥 Movie: Unfrosted on Netflix. It gives Anchorman/throwback comedy vibes.
🎽 Running Gear: Literally anything in The North Face Dune Sky line, especially the collab print from teammate Jenn Lichter! (Seriously, it’s like wearing butter.)
Stay freaky, weirdos! And happy Memorial Day Weekend!
Visors reached their peak of popularity in ultrarunning around 2007 I think, when Hal Koerner was Western States champ. He and others rocked the visor back then.
Yesssss! I love this. Sadly my new haircut doesn’t allow for ponies and has thus rendered the visor useless. Also I accidentally left it at a museum in San Diego. So I will live vicariously through your awesome ponies and visors. 👊